Recently, a friend asked me why I wasn't climbing higher.
I probably gave him a sarcastic look before responding, “Because I don't trust these damn devices!”
I'm talking about auto-belays, those contraptions that are supposed to lower you safely from a climbing wall.
I've actually climbed all the way back down a wall rather than trust one to lower me.
Fuggedaboudit.
I was pretty active in my early, spry young adult years. These days, middle-aged me comes home from the gym just happy I didn't break anything.
But here's the thing: I don't entirely trust the equipment, and I also don't love the idea of leaning back and surrendering control to something that's supposed to catch me.
Rachel Botsman, a trust expert, defines trust as “a confident relationship with the unknown.”
Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
We can do our homework, take reasonable precautions, and still have no guarantee of the outcome.
And sometimes, the person we have the hardest time trusting is ourselves.
Especially after a relationship or situation we've chosen has gone wrong. We start questioning our judgment, our decisions, and whether we can trust ourselves to make a different choice next time.
Because when you've made a decision that hurt you, taking another chance can feel like volunteering to get hurt again.
So how do we learn to trust ourselves again?
Maybe it starts with micro-risks.
Talking to a stranger at a café when we'd normally offer a perfunctory hello. Trying an adventure that takes us outside our comfort zone. Making a decision without knowing exactly how it will turn out.
Every time we take a small risk, we give ourselves an opportunity to experience the unknown without needing to control the outcome.
And perhaps that's the part I've been missing on that climbing wall.
Trust isn't necessarily believing that everything will turn out the way we want. Sometimes it's believing we can navigate what happens next.
At some point, we have to decide whether we're willing to take that next step—or, in my case, let go of the damn wall.
Auto-belays be damned.
📝 Your Writing Bravely™ Prompt
Set a timer for 10 minutes.
Think about an area of your life where you've stopped trusting yourself.
What happened that made you question your judgment?
Now consider one small, manageable risk you could take—not to guarantee a particular outcome, but to begin rebuilding trust in your ability to navigate whatever happens.
What might that look like?
I'd love to hear from you: What's one small risk you're willing to take, or one you've already taken that surprised you? Hit reply and tell me.
A quick newsletter update
As we head into the holidays, I'll be moving this newsletter to an every-other-week schedule. I have several writing projects underway, and I want to give each newsletter the attention it deserves.
Thanks for continuing to write bravely with me.
In the neighborhood? Come say hello!
I'll be participating in the Community Authors Showcase at Varina Area Library on Monday, November 9, at 7 PM.
I'll be sharing the story behind my book, Writing Through Grief and Loss: An IFS Journal for Healing, followed by a Q&A, book signing, and time to mingle.
I'd love to see some familiar faces, talk books, and connect with fellow readers and writers!
Join me November 9 — RSVP here!
With courage and chalk dust,
Adina
