Taking turns in school. Playing by the rules during a fierce neighborhood game of hide-and-seek or Mother, May I?

Growing up, the message was pretty straightforward: Play by the rules and you'll be rewarded.

Study hard. Keep your friends' secrets. (I really excelled at that one.) Don't date your friends' exes. Help others.

Those rules seemed to work pretty well for me.

But then there were the times I didn't play by the rules.

And yes, people got mad.

I remember trying to obtain data from Richmond Behavioral Health Authority for my dissertation. I'd already been at it for six or eight months, and I still didn't have the numbers I needed.

After weeks of unanswered messages, I finally showed up one day and knocked on my contact's door.

I was definitely given the dirtiest of looks. (Apparently, showing up unannounced wasn't part of the usual protocol.) Possibly a talking-to as well. I can't remember.

But the following week, I was collecting data.

Which brings me to pickleball.

I'm bad at pickleball. Actually, I'm bad at pretty much anything involving flying projectiles.

So when a couple approached my friend Stewart and me this week and asked if we'd like to play doubles, I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"We can't play with them," I told Stewart. "We don't even know the rules."

"It'll be fun," he said.

And somehow, that was enough.

Turns out, you can learn the rules as you go.

Our new pickleball partners patiently taught us the game. We made mistakes. We laughed. We even managed to take the lead at one point!

By the second round, they told us we'd improved by 500%.

(Again. Projectiles!)

And because the universe apparently has a sense of humor, the woman we were playing with mentioned that her book club had read Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino.

The main character's name?

Adina.

And she's an alien.

(Fitting.)

I went home thinking about how much fun I'd had doing something I wasn't particularly good at.

And how easily I could have missed the whole experience because I thought I needed to know what I was doing first.

Some rules are worth following. Some are worth questioning.

And sometimes you don't have to know them before you join the game.

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📝 Your Writing Bravely™ Prompt

Set a timer for 10 minutes and begin with:

Where in my life am I waiting to know the rules before I let myself participate?

Maybe it's something creative, a conversation you've been avoiding, a new experience, or a part of your life where you've convinced yourself you need to be more prepared.

What might happen if you gave yourself permission to learn as you go?

Hit reply and tell me about something you tried before you felt ready. Bonus points if flying projectiles were involved.

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Want more writing prompts? Download a free sample of the Writing Through Grief and Loss Journal to get IFS journal prompts.

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With courage and stamina for flying projectiles,

Adina

P.S. Sometimes the rules we're following aren't written anywhere. They're expectations we've carried for years about what we're allowed to try, say, or become. If you're ready to explore some of those old rules, learn more about working with me.

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